Whooooweeee! It's been a minute, but I am back. Making movies takes a lot of time, energy and focus, and I'm here to tell ya why! Also in this episode: Haters a' plenty, snotty Cheesecake Factory waitresses and the return of the country jingle---plus great questions about constructive criticism and more! Listen now and have some Fritos with Onion dip!
Seems like it's been a million years, but this blog will reveal WHY it's been so long! The trials of making a film, smarmy Hollywood phonies, tortures for people who talk in movie theaters, the nastiness I've encountered online from daring to say I want to direct, the immaturity of the FX business...SO MUCH! So what are you waiting for?! Slap on them headphones and immerse yourselves in the horseshit!
The Audio Blog qualifies for the blue-plate special at participating restaurants with this, number 55! Choose from any number of topics in this episode, such as what to do with a client who isn't satisfied (comes with a side of broccoli); Loud assholes in move theaters (served with fresh garden salad and a choice of potato); a REAL LIVE DIALOGUE with a Conservative Republican (choose from fries, fresh fruit or muffin) and, of course, the ridiculous rants of the Caramel Manatee! Join us for way too much horseshit!
Unless you've been living on the moon for the past forty-five years, the author of this exceptional tale will be well-known to you. Stephen King began selling his short stories in the late 1960's to magazines such as Cavalier and Startling Mystery Stories. After the publication of his novel "Carrie" in 1973, King's name became well-known. Eventually, King became the most successful author in history, earning millions in film deals and publishing rights. But it is King's earliest work that somehow does it for me the most, and this one is among his most diabolical. They don't call him "King" for nothing.
Happy Halloween, kiddies! This spoooooky week: The mathematics of a Zombie Apocalypse; Corey Feldman---an epic failure (twice!); The mysterious girl on the bus from 1975; a company that provides the finest metallic paint around and SO! MUCH! MORE! Join the Caramel Manatee for another round of unmitigated insanity, laffs and general nonsense. Oh, and a new Halloween jingle, too!!!
Yo yo yo! It's been a wild couple of weeks, full of emotion, shock, hard work and humor. Join The Manatee once more as we discuss the passing of my friend, the great John Vulich; The weird guy who came to visit my apartment at 1:00 am when I worked at Distortions Unlimited; People who can't think of a single movie ever made at all in the history of cinema when asked what their favorites are; The shocking and horrific season premier of The Walking Dead and more, all on the most exquisite entertainment you have ever even dared to dream of, The Freelance Horseshit Audio Blog.
WARNING: SPOILER ALERT! If you haven't yet witnessed the outrageous hideousness of the latest 'Walking Dead' episode, DON'T LISTEN! You have been warned!
Well, howdy! It's time for more goshdurn Horseshit, ain't it? Well, rest yer boots pardner, sit a spell, and enjoy the ramblings of a crazy man! The final, sad chapter of the Rick Baker story, hipsters diving for cannon t-shirts and emerging not-so-victoriously, painting Chavant oil-based clays and seeing Dawn of the Dead in the theater…all here on the most amazing chunk of entertainment outside of the Presidential debates! Check it out or lose your favorite pair of jeans. Order me some Orange Chicken from Panda Express, too.
A Caramel Manatee returneth with the second part of the Rick Baker story, bizarre hypothetical questions from listeners and a flawless example of why Barry Sonnenfeld is essentially, for all intents and purposes, totally brain dead. Listen now before I get arrested for bashing Hollywood's elite!
The Audio Blog turns 50 today (!!!), with a special EXTENDED p-cast; special guest David (Day of the Dead) Smith, the first half of the epic Rick Baker story, using the evil, bad word "crazy", and MORE! Spaghetti and meatballs go well with this episode---but only if it's crappy Chef-Boy-Ar-Dee canned spaghetti… Take a gander and see what all the fuss is about!
Now available on Soundcloud!
Well, well, well. Much to discuss this week, yes? The jerk off would-be client who told me I was overcharging, an explanation of what the Black Lives Matter campaign means---or at least OUGHT to mean----a brief history of where all the information about how to make latex masks came from and how it was disseminated, Hollwood's standards of beauty---and ugliness, why actors playing serial killers in movies usually sucks…and even MORE!! Listen if you dare----and eat a chicken and rice teriyaki bowl while you're at it.
Oh my Gosh! Am I actually sort of kind of almost ON TIME with this thing!? Well, either way, it's time for Freelance Horseshit! Crazy paranoid directors who think everything is sexist, Orlando revealing itself to be the horror capital of the world, PC going too far and all kinds of other senseless crap, right here on an audio blog of Biblical proportions!!!! Check it out while eating Moose Tracks ice cream!
Better extraordinarily late than never, right? No? Well, deal with it, kiddo… it's a tough life. Anyway, tales of being ripped off by major studios, Facebook Warriors (with an all-new jingle created with the help of Graham Schofield, Alyssa Delhotal, Mikey Rotella and Emily Dorosky!!), paint tips and what it feels like to think you're the most important person to ever exist in all of human history.
It's dumb. It's ridiculous. It's funnier than an old lady slipping in the blood of a run-over Wal-Mart CEO! That's right… after an absurdly long wait, the Caramel Manatee has returned with nightmarish stories of my first 48 hours in Hollywood, cracking my tailbone while trying to chat up a girl, and kidney stone madness. You read correctly: The Caramel Manatee is back! Listen and laff and eat Buca Di Beppo Ravioli!
Why are some things so scary? Find out what scared fecal matter into my pants when I was ten, hear tales of having my art laughed at in high school---AND dopey corporate policies, all here in this shocking 50 minutes of free entertainment made just for YOU! Ritz crackers and peanut butter time!
What is it like to transform from Charlton Heston into Pee-Wee Herman in a matter of moments? How many times have I had to get stitches? Where do I feel I rank in the long list of 20th Century artists? If you lay awake at night pondering these things like no one on Earth does, listen! And while you're at it, eat some Fiddle Faddle.
The Caramel Manatee returneth, with touching (!) tales of my Mom, the most ridiculous conversation I've ever seen on Instagram, and some whiny douchebag production designer I had to endure years ago. Listen. Laff. Luxuriate. And don't barf out your lunch on anyone!!